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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Suggestions as how to end the estrangement between disputing relatives


My Uncle has told my mother that he doesn't want to see our family ever again. What is our duty in this position considering we did nothing to upset him or his family?

Praise be to Allaah. 

You have to look for the reason, for it is not normal
for something like this to happen without a reason, but that reason may be
unknown to you. If you did not do anything deliberate to upset him, then
do not feel responsible for what has happened and for his cutting off ties
with you. You have to be patient and treat him well even if he mistreats
you. Perhaps he will come back to you when he sees your good attitude.

many cases, this kind of rigid and harsh-hearted attitude is temporary and
does not last for long; it may stem from a particular incident which made
the person angry, but when his anger has calmed down and some time has
passed, things go back to the way they were, or close enough. Perhaps some
extreme circumstances coincided with a bad attitude, hatred or an
inclination to bear grudges, which resulted in a long-term estrangement.
In this case all parties concerned should be given time to calm down
gradually, so that the bad feelings may be reduced; at the same time, the
person who has cut off ties of kinship should be reminded of the rights of
his relatives, what Allaah and His Messenger say on this matter, and the
stern warning issued to those who cut off ties of kinship. If any of the
parties involved have been wronged, things must be put right as quickly as
possible, and there is nothing wrong with trying 
to heal the wounded pride of the 
party that has been wronged, by apologizing or getting together for
the purpose of reconciliation, etc., as Allaah says (interpretation of the

adjust all matters of difference among you” [al-Anfaal 8:1].

We hope that
the one who undertakes to reconcile between them will earn the reward
mentioned in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning);

“There is
no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah
(charity in Allaah’s Cause), or Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all
the good and righteous deeds which
Allaah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does
this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a great
reward” [al-Nisaa’ 4:114]

it may be better to avoid getting involved in looking for a reconciliation
until things have calmed down and people are more likely to agree to open
the issue and listen to those who want to reconcile between them and
accept their suggestions.

ask Allaah for guidance.

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